Avinalaff Posted January 8, 2013 Report Share Posted January 8, 2013 A guy wins the lottery.He dashes home to tell his wife to pack her bags,She says "Should I pack for hot or cold weather?"He says "I don't give a fuck, as long as you're gone by dinner time". SurraSulp, WelchGapy, Alkalpdotdank and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoo Posted January 8, 2013 Report Share Posted January 8, 2013 In a recent online survey, 90% of men admitted to masturbating regularly. The other 10% hit the wrong button with their left hand. -------------------------------------------------------------- Kevin-Prince Boateng has kicked a ball at a section of the AC Milan crowd because they were racially abusing him. It's a good job Robin Van Persie wasn't in the crowd, he could have been killed. Matt 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcus jones Posted January 8, 2013 Report Share Posted January 8, 2013 I love eBay, I sold my homing pigeons 18 times last month. Matt, Lowensda and Bailey 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fearthainn Posted January 8, 2013 Report Share Posted January 8, 2013 Paddy says to Murphy, " have you seen the news? "3 Cliff Walkers have fallen to their deaths!" "Unbelievable said Murphy, i can't believe they all had the same name!" Bailey 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fearthainn Posted January 8, 2013 Report Share Posted January 8, 2013 I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs." "That's terrible," she replied. "Are they moving?" "I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase." Bailey and MikeO 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dalziel Kane Posted January 9, 2013 Report Share Posted January 9, 2013 None of these offered much humor apart from the fourth one about Irish cliff walkers, and even that only generated a short lived smirk. I'd maybe offer some jokes or humor myself, but I'm not one for it, and above all else, I don't think they'd be printable. Bailey and Btay 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avinalaff Posted January 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2013 None of these offered much humor apart from the fourth one about Irish cliff walkers, and even that only generated a short lived smirk. I'd maybe offer some jokes or humor myself, but I'm not one for it, and above all else, I don't think they'd be printable. Maybe the jokes thread is to post jokes in, and be jolly, and not to be a miserable sod by making a post just to moan? Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you? Bailey 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lowensda Posted January 9, 2013 Report Share Posted January 9, 2013 (edited) Fish swims into a wall. "Dam" Edited January 9, 2013 by tenaciousj Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoo Posted January 9, 2013 Report Share Posted January 9, 2013 I'd maybe offer some jokes or humor myself, but I'm not one for it, and above all else, I don't think they'd be printable. Jokes that arn't printable are the best, because they piss off up-tight arseholes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcus jones Posted January 18, 2013 Report Share Posted January 18, 2013 The missus got a pair of those Union Jack knickers. I call them Belfast pants. Every time I try to take them down there's a protest. Matt and Bailey 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoo Posted January 19, 2013 Report Share Posted January 19, 2013 One morning, His Majesty the lion calls all the animals in the jungle to a meeting. "Right," says the lion, "I want every one of you to go out hunting and bring me back as much meat as you can. Anyone who fails to bring me meat I will batter to death with my dick!" Later that day, a rabbit turns up with a basket of carrots. "You have to understand, Your Majesty, I'm a rabbit, I can't hunt, but I've brought you a basket of carrots." The lion towers over the rabbit and starts battering it with his dick. The rabbit cries, laughs, cries, laughs, cries, laughs ... "Why are you crying?" says the lion. "It hurts," says the rabbit. "And why the fuck are you laughing?" says the lion. "I've just seen the hedgehog," says the rabbit, "and he's gathering mushrooms. rubecula and marcopaulo 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rubecula Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 Man says to wife "What would you do if I won the lottery?" Wife says "Take half and leave you" "Great" says the man, "I've just won a tenner. Here's five quid, now fuck off!!!" Sibdane and Matt 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avinalaff Posted January 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 Lol Rubes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avinalaff Posted January 23, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2013 I laughed at this on the Everton rumours site: 23 Jan 2013 08:47:28Been hearing charlie austin now Your hearing charlie austin? So is that a burnley sensation in your ears? Best go the doctors Lol. marcopaulo and rubecula 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Avinalaff Posted January 31, 2013 Author Popular Post Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 The genius of Subbuteo lol rubecula, Matt, GoodisonRoad and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcus jones Posted February 8, 2013 Report Share Posted February 8, 2013 Went to McDonalds last night, asked for a plain burger to which some little scroat behind the counter replied '' do you want anything on it sir?'' Apparently £5 each way is not the correct response.............. I tell you some people have no sense of humour. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avinalaff Posted February 8, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 8, 2013 Lol. Sounds about right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoo Posted February 11, 2013 Report Share Posted February 11, 2013 One morning, a Hell's Angel goes into a coffee bar and orders a large cappuccino. As he is about to leave, he asks the waitress for his bill. "Two pounds sixty," she says. The Hell's Angel produces 260 penny coins, drops them on the floor and leaves. This happens every morning for the next few days until one morning the Hell's Angel wants to pay with a fiver. Gotcha, thinks the waitress, who has been waiting for this day to get her revenge: she drops 240 pennies onto the floor. "Your change," she says with a smug little smile. The Hell's Angel produces a 20 pence coin and places it on the table. "Another large cappuccino, please." Bailey, Sibdane and Fearthainn 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avinalaff Posted February 12, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2013 One morning, a Hell's Angel goes into a coffee bar and orders a large cappuccino. As he is about to leave, he asks the waitress for his bill. "Two pounds sixty," she says. The Hell's Angel produces 260 penny coins, drops them on the floor and leaves. This happens every morning for the next few days until one morning the Hell's Angel wants to pay with a fiver. Gotcha, thinks the waitress, who has been waiting for this day to get her revenge: she drops 240 pennies onto the floor. "Your change," she says with a smug little smile. The Hell's Angel produces a 20 pence coin and places it on the table. "Another large cappuccino, please." Lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcus jones Posted February 12, 2013 Report Share Posted February 12, 2013 One morning, a Hell's Angel goes into a coffee bar and orders a large cappuccino. As he is about to leave, he asks the waitress for his bill. "Two pounds sixty," she says. The Hell's Angel produces 260 penny coins, drops them on the floor and leaves. This happens every morning for the next few days until one morning the Hell's Angel wants to pay with a fiver. Gotcha, thinks the waitress, who has been waiting for this day to get her revenge: she drops 240 pennies onto the floor. "Your change," she says with a smug little smile. The Hell's Angel produces a 20 pence coin and places it on the table. "Another large cappuccino, please." Class Zoo, pure class! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pete0 Posted February 13, 2013 Report Share Posted February 13, 2013 rubecula and Matt 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post marcopaulo Posted February 13, 2013 Popular Post Report Share Posted February 13, 2013 Was walking home last night as I passed house and heard a cat crying. I opened the door and 4 Liverpool fans were playin footy with it, was just about to phone the RSPCA when the cat went 1-0 up. Bailey, Romey 1878, rubecula and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeO Posted February 13, 2013 Report Share Posted February 13, 2013 Was walking home last night as I passed house and heard a cat crying. I opened the door and 4 Liverpool fans were playin footy with it, was just about to phone the RSPCA when the cat went 1-0 up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dalziel Kane Posted February 15, 2013 Report Share Posted February 15, 2013 If you were caught masturbating in the newsagents, would it be all over the papers ? Fuck me, I just did a funny Bailey and Matt 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pete0 Posted February 17, 2013 Report Share Posted February 17, 2013 Frankie Boyle @frankieboyle Well, that's a grand well spent, and the 11 year old Chris Brown is in for a shock, if I can trust the word of Alfred Jack: Time Paedophile Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcus jones Posted February 18, 2013 Report Share Posted February 18, 2013 What's Celtic and Heather Mills got in common? The second leg is just for show!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoo Posted February 18, 2013 Report Share Posted February 18, 2013 (edited) Original `Mr and Mrs` Presenter Derek Batey has died. Did his Wife, on hearing the news: A)Break down in tears? B)Shrug her shoulders? C)Dance for joy as he was heavily insured? Spoiler tags as it may cause offence... Edited February 18, 2013 by Zoo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt Posted February 21, 2013 Report Share Posted February 21, 2013 thanks to Ten: The Tesco scandal has now moved onto B&Q... Their wooden flooring has laminit. thanks to my dad: apparently the lasagne has been removed because the cheese layer contains mascapony Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pete0 Posted February 28, 2013 Report Share Posted February 28, 2013 Frankie Boyle @frankieboyle The Pope's anti-condom stance was an attempt to do good.He thought if more kids were born with HIV, priests'd be less likely to fuck them. Bailey 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoodisonRoad Posted March 31, 2013 Report Share Posted March 31, 2013 Dont know if anyone has seen the Will Ferrel parody account on twitter, but this one cracked me up; "Some guy just blindfolded me and dragged me into a warehouse. Im still waiting for him to tell me its a febreze commercial." Bailey and Sibdane 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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